I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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