i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
