I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
