i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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