Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
