Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
