Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
