either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
