you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
