You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
