yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
