I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
