i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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