I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
