oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
