i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
