I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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