i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I look better un-naked...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
