God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
