I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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