So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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