the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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