i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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