"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
