i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
