tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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