I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
