recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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