Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
