you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
