i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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