Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
