So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
