just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
