Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
