You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
