this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
