So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
