if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
