South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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