Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
