JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
