Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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