it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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