i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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