I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
pray to the hookup gods
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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