I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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