She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
