I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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