But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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