no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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