I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
