you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
