Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
