i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
