hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
