woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
