Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
