Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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