Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
